


The Youngest Black

by Lol1664



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:55:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29376012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lol1664/pseuds/Lol1664
Summary: Set in the Marauders era two years after Howgarts in the "All the Young Dudes" fan fiction by MsKingBean89.Regulus' friend asks Sirius for help finding the younger Black.I do NOT support JK Rowlings transphobic views, I wrote this fan fiction after reading MsKingBean89's work because it destroyed me emotionally.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Regulus' French Girl

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All the Young Dudes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057010) by [MsKingBean89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsKingBean89/pseuds/MsKingBean89). 
  * Inspired by [All the Young Dudes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057010) by [MsKingBean89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsKingBean89/pseuds/MsKingBean89). 



My heart was beating so fast. I lost so much time. He might already be dead. I knocked against the door; I didn’t stop until Remus Lupin opened. I took a step back, not expecting to see him. He was older than I remember, skinnier also, he looked tired, but cute. Still cute.

“Who are... ? What ?”

He started with a raspy voice. He smelt like cigarettes and alcohol.

“I need to speak to Sirius.”

He opened the door. Everyone inside had their wand pointing toward me. They looked angry, frown brows and death glares. Lily Evans, the prefect, James Potter, Gryfondor’s pride and Sirius Black, the coward. It’s been only one year and a half but they all seemed older, more mature maybe, but still beautiful. What’s up with this group to be that pretty, was that a requirement to be friends with them ?

“Maybe I should have called ?” I joked, they didn’t move.

It smelled even worse in the flat but it was still a cute room, not big or tacky like I was expecting from a Black.

“What do you want ?”

Damn. He looked like his brother. Not just the face, but the way he was standing and speaking too. A pure blood way. Or maybe it was just a rich boys’ thing.

“We need to find your brother.”

He clutched his jaw and tightened his grips on his wand. We went to school together, what made them think I could be a threat ? It was not like I had my wand in my hand or I could wrestle against them. Remus took my arm, and I tried not to scream at the pain. He didn’t seem that strong, but maybe it was a werewolf thing ?

“Reg is in danger.”

I tried to move so Remus would let me go, but he squeezed my arm even more. I fought the urge to take my pocket knife and plant it in Remus' hand.

“Reg ?” Repeat Remus while Sirius screamed: “He is a death eater ! Why would I want to find him ?”

I jumped at the word “death eater” but he wasn’t wrong, not completely. Regulus though he didn’t have the choice, he couldn’t just say no to his mom, no one could since Sirius escaped.

“Because he is your baby brother, you asshole.”

Remus let me go, fazed by the way I talked to Black. Tears burned my eyes. I hated them, their world, their magic, their overconfidence. I glanced at Lily. What was she doing with those purebloods, like she never heard how they treated us during seven years ?

“Who the bloody hell are you ?” Asked James, stepping in front of me.

He was more muscular than the other boys and seemed angrier. His face was different, maybe because of a beard he tried to grow, but he still had this halo that made him so popular.

“I’m… I was in Hogwarts with you, I was in your study group, Remus, for years”.

It wasn’t surprising that James the superstar didn’t know me, or Sirius the rebel being interested only in girls that would open their legs for him, but I talked several times with Lily and spent hours with Remus in the library. I tried so hard not to be noticed, not to be in trouble, and I succeeded, apparently. I shouldn't be annoyed, but it hurt a little. I liked Remus; he was from my kind; I thought he paid more attention to others.

“ _Mais tu es française_ ” said Sirius with a perfect French.

Of course he could speak French too. He was so much like Regulus. My heart tightened, I couldn’t cry in front of them, it would be embarrassing but it was harder than I expected. I never thought the conversation would take that turn and be in front of the many people. Were they all living together ? That would be cute.

“Yes, it could happen even to the best of us”.

He frowned and exchanged a glance with James. I sighed and took the potion out of my bag. So much wasted time. I get they couldn’t trust me, but they seemed startled by the tiny things.

“This is a truth potion, I will drink it so you can ask me questions. I will drink first, and one of you will too, so you can be sure it’s working. Ok ?”

They seemed puzzled, so slow to make up their mind. I was expecting fear and mistrust but not idiocy, we didn’t have the time for that.

“Ok”, answered Lily.

I smiled at her and drank the potion. It did not taste good, kinda like pudding, but I was happy I haven’t thrown away all my magical books from school. Maybe I studied in a muggle university now but I haven’t completely wasted my time in Hogwarts.

“Who are you ?”, asked Sirius once again.

“I’m Regulus’ best friend, Capucine Chotel”.

Lily drank, wary. She winced at the taste of it but didn’t complain.

“Oh, I remember you ! You are a year younger than us. You’ve changed a lot since school”, said Remus.

Did he mean I was chubbier ? Because Hogwarts post depression was hard but he changed too and I wasn’t rubbing it to his face.

“Lily, do you like my new facial hair ?”, asked James.

“Not really”, she answered with a big smile. “Oh, looks like it’s working.”

“But darling”, James replied with a pout.

Wasn’t any of them taking my problem seriously ?

“I didn't know Reg had... er... friends like you.”

Like me ? Muggle born ? French ? Ravenclaw ? Fat ? Girl ? What did he mean ?

“Well, I prefer my parents to be muggles rather than cousins”, I said with my biggest smile.

James laughed and Remus tried not to. Sirius’ mouth was open by surprise.

Looked like I was telling the truth even without questions. I made it a little too strong, maybe.

“Why are you here ?”

“Your little brother disappeared. The last time he called me he said something had changed, that he saw the truth and he will make it right, or some bullshit like that.”

My hands were shaking at the memory. His voice, his sobbings, his fear. I tried to stop him but he wouldn’t listen to me.

“Called, like on a phone ?” Asked Remus.

“Yeah. Are you all idiots ? Can’t you ask things that matters so we can stop wasting time and go help Reg.”

Something changed in Sirius. Suddenly he was taller and seemed stronger, more worried but not because of me. He looked like a big brother whose sibling was in trouble.

“Why did you come to us ?”, he asked.

“Because Dumbledore wouldn’t help me and I can’t put my friends in danger for some death eater they don’t know, and because you are his brother and you are supposed to love him, at least as much as I do”.

I’ve never liked the Headmaster, never had a bond anyway, but he was so deep in the war, I thought the lives of his students mattered to him, that he was fighting for the light, for a better wizarding world. I almost punched him when he laughed, “he chooses his side, Miss Chotel”, with his bloody low voice like he was Yoda. He liked his power, he enjoyed moving pawns and not understanding that there were more than two sides, that sometimes people don’t have the choice. Sirius could be in Gryffindor, be a Potter more than a Black, be a disappointment and Dumbledore pawn, because he had Reg, he knew he was going to take his place, that someone was going to be perfect so he don’t have to be, and he left him in that terrible house.

“Are you shagging Regulus ?”

"What ? No ! Did you see me ?”

Sirius looked at me from head to toes, my blond hair, my pretty face “for a fat girl”, my muggle clothes. That made me want to throw up. What did I come to them for ? He was no help; he didn’t care about my friend.

“ _Toujours pur_ , he never got passed that isn’t it ?”

I don’t really know what he thought about that. Well, I knew he didn’t care Sirius was going out with muggle born, he was just afraid for him. I think Regulus never thought he was going to have a saying in who he would marry, so he never thought love was for him.

“Explain everything from the start because we can’t help if you don't,” said Lily.


	2. Regulus and Capucine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Capucine tries to prove she is really Regulus' friend

“I hated Hogwarts. I was an eleven-year-old lost in a strange and unknown world, without her parents. I was crying all the time the first year, I really missed home. Then I made some friends, other muggle born, afraid and lost. We were always together, moving as a pack, trying to be invisible. I didn’t understand everything, but from the first day I knew I shouldn’t go near purebloods, from Slytherin or not anyway, I knew they were trouble, so I stayed away. I wasn’t good at magic at first, all my energy went to understand what was going on in this weird school, but at the end of the year I was the best in my class and well, that made some people angry. It started with insults but escalated quickly into physical violence, not from Reg, never from him, but from other purebloods. I didn’t really care about the slurs because they weren’t from my culture, you know, they didn’t have the power to hurt me because it represented nothing inherently bad. But stealing my books and my stuff in my dorm room, made me fall off my broom, trying some spell on me, it was too much to bear. 

My parents didn’t want me to go back, but Dumbledore convinced them because I was such a “gifted student”. Over the summer I decided to lie low, never be noticed, do everything average, and also I took extra work, muggle work, to have my diploma in France too, so I could go to the uni or work in the muggle world. The wizards didn’t want me, and I wasn’t going to fight against them. 

In October, I got lost after trying to hide from Slytherins and I found myself in front of a door I’ve never seen before. Curiosity and fear made me open it. It was a really dark room and I couldn’t see anything. After a few minutes, I heard someone else breathing. I should use my wand for light, but magic was never my first instinct, so I just screamed I had a knife and was willing to use it. It made him laugh at first, but then he apologized for scaring me. We started to talk. It was so much easier in the dark, talking to a stranger. I wasn’t afraid of being judged. We talked in French all night, about everything. He loved magic and this world; he wanted to work with magical creatures and was obsessed about them. He talked a bit about his family, he really liked his brother but was afraid for him. The perfect French part should have given me a clue about who he was, at least, what kind of wizard, but I was young and missed home. I was just happy to talk with someone without having to make a lot of efforts. It was natural. 

We were opposite, him with a crappy family and loving Hogwarts and magic, me with a great family, hating that place and these smug people. But that night, we could understand each other better than anyone else. I was so shocked when the morning light came into the room and I saw a bloody Slytherin, lying next to me, his hand in mine, so I hexed him and ran away.

I hoped he didn’t see my face, but I was the only student with a French accent, so it wasn’t hard to find me. I avoided him for months but we bumped into each other in march, when we both needed a place to hide. We talked all night again. 

It happened several times this year. Without trying, we just found each other in front of the room. I didn’t talk to him outside that safe space. He asked me to find a spell to erase memories, so I did, and he asked me to wipe me out of his head. I found one, Remus helped me actually, and I practiced on Regulus for weeks until it was perfect. He went home, not knowing who I was. 

“Was it because of Walburga ?” asked Sirius. 

“You people have the weirdest names, even for English people. Yes, because of her, she liked, you know”, even under the power of the potion, I couldn’t bring myself to tell what she did to them, “And he was afraid of what she could do if she knew. She had to be sure he was going to be perfect and she, anyway, I took his memory of me.”

“I found him in class the next yea and I gave him his memories back. The next year went like that, meeting in that mysterious room at night. When his friend asked him where he was going, he said it was family business. My friends were happy I was seeing a boy. It was good news that the chubby girl had a boyfriend. 

We became really good friends and pureblood stopped picking on me, maybe because I stopped being good in class, but I knew he did something too. I’ve never heard my friend complaining about him, so I started trusting him even more. I didn’t want to excuse his behavior, but your mom was shitty and he was hurting. He changed after that Christmas, that terrible Christmas. We saw each other less. He worried about me, about what his mother could do to us, just for being friends. He was so sad and worry all the bloody time. He never hated you, the thought you hated broke his heart, he didn’t know how to talk to you. 

I hated you; you left without Reg; I thought maybe you could convince him to go to the Potters with you, or at least you were going to try. But you stayed away and acted like he was worse than them. 

Time passed. We were close again; I knew everything about his life, about the dark side rising, I knew I would not be safe in England after Hogwarts. It wasn’t a problem; I had a life waiting for me in France. Maybe it was cowardice, but I didn’t want to die for a world that didn’t want me in the first place. 

At the beginning of the fifth year, I didn’t give his memory back. He became, you know, I wanted to have nothing to do with that kind of person, even if I knew why he did it. I would not join Dumbledore but I couldn’t stay friends with him and I thought it would be easier if I was the only one who remembered. I broke his trust; it was his memories, I shouldn’t have kept them, they weren’t mine and I shouldn’t have made the choice for him. 

Months went by, I didn’t go near that bloody door; I kept my head down. He talked to me a few times; it was different. He wasn't ignoring me like he used to to protect me. Regulus was friendly, always saying hello, asking me how my day was going, and talking to me about class. Sometimes when I was alone outside, he would sit with me and talk about magical creatures. 

Later he told me he felt drawn to me, like he could trust me, like he was missing something if he didn’t talk to me. 

At the time, he said nothing too personal; he was just trying to be friendly. It was so bloody weird; I hated it, every second, it killed me, but it was better for us. Every time he came, I was afraid it was a prank, that I was a target and well, it wasn’t a bright time for muggle born at Hogwarts. 

After the Christmas Holiday he came to me in a corridor, he was red from anger and he screamed at me in French. He took me by the arm; I tried to get out of his grip, but I couldn’t. No one helped, they saw us; they saw I was in danger, and no one helped. Everyone was so afraid of the death eaters, they didn’t know me anyway, so why do something ? It must have happened all the time, I guess, if you paid attention. 

He pulled me into our weird room and confronted me about his memory. Reg was almost crying and still talking in French. At this point, I was just afraid he would kill me. “If you didn’t want me in your life, you could have said so, but I trusted you with what was in my head, I have enough of my mom to play with it”, I gave his memory back immediately.

He didn’t recall me clearly but he kind of knew who I was, that we were friends, and his house-elf helped him with the magic part, to find the spell but they couldn’t break it completely. He knew he was me; I didn’t erase myself enough, I couldn’t erase how he felt about me, the bond. 

We didn’t talk for a long time. It was what I wanted, but I missed him. And I found myself in front of this room again, and he was here too. We talked, we talked all night, we cried, we apologized. He broke down when I said that I thought he was about to kill me, and I tried for years to make up for the stolen memories. 

At the end of the last year of school, I wanted him to come to France with me, to leave your family and the war, but he said no. He didn’t want to put me at risk. So I found a new spell, the hardest we ever perform. We wiped our friendship from each other's mind. We only left an emergency contact if we were in danger, my parents’ phone number for him and the Potter's home address for me. We still recall each other but by classmate we liked, nothing more. 

He called me four days ago. He said he recalled my number; he felt like he should call. It was the code for my memory to come back. As soon as he hung up, I took the boat to London. I went to Dumbledore first, but he didn’t want to help me, so I went to the Potters and they gave me your address, or Remus’ address, are you all living here ?” 

“Just Remus and I,” answered Sirius. 

“Oh”. 

I looked around. Two close doors and a kitchen. Remus was blushing, and Sirius looked like he was ready for a battle. James clenched his fist, staring at me with defiance, waiting for my comment. 

“Oh” I repeat. “Bloody hell, old Black, a werewolf ? That’s cool.” 

I knew he was rebellious but I never truly believed his act, sometimes I thought he was deeper into the Black family than Reg. Some ways of thinking are thicker than others, and he would always be a pureblood. 

“How do you know Remus is a werewolf ?”

“Beside his name, you mean ?” I laugh, because Remus Lupin, for god’s sake. “Like I said, Reg was really interested in magical creatures, so he figured it out pretty quickly. He wanted to help, not to find a cure because he didn’t believe in that, well, I didn't and we talked a lot about it and he changed his mind, but help with your living condition and how the ministry treated you”. 

“He didn’t mind ?” asked Remus, scratching his eyebrows. 

He seemed in pain for an instant but saw we were looking at him and smiled so Sirius wouldn’t worry. 

“He tried to make Snape shut up about it, but the ass was obsessed. Regulus is not the person you think.”

“Yeah, I can see that. The traitor is in love with a mudblood”. 

Remus winced at the slur, but Sirius wasn’t paying attention. 

“In what ? No. We are friends. We love each other but not like that”. 

“He could break your memory spell just because he remembered loving you and he still let you play with his head. If he was not in love, I don’t know what it was”. 

I tried not to think about it. I always tried not to think about him this way, because I knew it wasn’t possible, I knew he didn’t love me like that, and even if he did, he couldn’t give us a future. It was better just to be friends; it hurt less, because we both knew someday he would have to marry someone else. 

“Can you help ? I need to talk to Kreacher but I can’t access him”. 

The concept of house-elf was so weird to me. It was literally slavery, and no one gave a damn about it. I hated this world. I never understood how Remus could stay in school, have fun with his pureblood friends, and never complained about how he and other werewolves were treated. So many things weren’t normal in that school, and not only because of Voldi, Dumbledore did nothing against the prejudice and the hatred. Divide to conquer, isn’t it ? 

“Me neither. He hates me !”

“Well we need him, he is the only other Reg’s friend so he must know something”. 

So Sirius started talking about his former house, the defense mostly, his parents, their favorite spells and their living habits. Shivers went down my spine at the idea Reg stuck with them for 18 years. He should have come with me in France, I would take better care of him than his family. 

Kreature was almost always at the Black house, which was impossible to access, except for the errands, the Mondays. It was our only chance to talk to him. 

“So tomorrow” said Lily, sounding so serious for her young age. 

They were not kids anymore. They seemed old and sad, not the prankster they used to be. I felt young among them. Unlike them, I went to uni, drank, and learned about real life. They were caught up in someone else's war, both sides using child soldiers. I said if Voldi needed a soldier that young it wasn’t a good sign, but he couldn’t say no to his mom, not after what she did to Sirius. 

Lily and James left after we decided the plan. I didn’t really know what to do next; I had no one in London, no one I was willing to put in any danger at least. 

“You can sleep here,” said Remus with a smile. 

Of course he was nice and thoughtful, like always, such a good teacher. I didn’t even need the study group, but I liked his presence, he made me feel safe. They were all safe people in the library. I knew even Reg wanted to come too, but he thought Remus hated him. Sometimes, hating yourself was doing much more damage than anyone else hating you. 

“What ? No, she can’t” 

“Pads”

They were looking at each other; they seemed to talk with eyes. I did that with Regulus sometimes; we learned that because we couldn’t really talk in front of other people. I missed him so much; I felt a void in my heart since I left Hogwarts, and I didn’t understand why until the phone call.

Remus went to the bedroom and came back with a blanket and a pillow. 

“Cheers”, I said with a big smile. 

Sirius sight and crossed his arms. If he was Reg, I would tickle him until he smiled, but it was Sirius and I didn’t want to lose a hand. 

“Tea ?”

“No, I dislike it”. 

Sirius gasped. 

“How ?”

“Tasteless warm water is the worst”.

He shook his dead in disbelief. 

“I withdraw what I said, there is no way Regulus could be in love with you”. 

He was wrong. Reg loved how different we were. He loved I was so muggle like, so French too. He wasn’t friends with death eaters or purebloods; he was friends with an immigrant muggle born and an elf house. Reg wasn’t like his family, he wasn’t even like his brother. 

“Do you have a phone ?”

“What for ?” asked Sirius, worried. 

“Call my parents. I must call them everyday so they know I’m fine. I’m only 18 and they worry a lot.”

His mom's only worry was that he was a traitor to his bloodline, so I guess I saw he didn’t understand why I needed to call my parents. Reg was fascinated by my relationship with them, by all the love, the trust and the laughter. He told me once that he was learning how to be a dad with the tales of my family life. 

Sirius didn’t leave the room. He wanted to be sure I wasn’t a spy or anything, so it was kinda awkward talking to my parents while he was watching me. I didn’t want to sound like a kid too much. They had to trust me to be strong enough to go with them to save Reg from whatever trouble he was in. 

After they went to sleep and I stayed awake looking at the ceiling, worrying about my friend, I heard someone walk into the room. I took my knife out, but it was just Sirius. He sat on the armchair with a sigh. 

“Can you talk to me about Reg ?” he whispered. 

Sirius sounded so much like him, from his voice to the way he talked. He tried to hide his posh side, but it was in everything he did. I closed my eyes, dreaming about having Regulus in the armchair, his voice helping me to sleep, counting wonderful tales about mystic creatures. 

“We had a weird relationship, it was almost just talking, the first few years at least, because we couldn’t really share moments of life and we had so much to say to each other. With time, we learned to control the room so we could do things in it. I even taught him to skate.”

“What ? Skate ? My brother ? Skating ?” he laughed. 

It was the first time he called him brother since I got there; it gave me hope. Maybe he didn’t hate him as much as Reg thought. 

“He broke his wrist last year because of it. He is not good”

Sirius laughed even more. I could hear his brother, it made my heart aches. 

“I made him discover a lot of muggle stuff, like football, cooking, using a phone, movies. Maybe it was just “not rich people” stuff now that I think about it…”

Sometimes we would enter the room and there would be a telly and a sofa, sometimes skates, sometimes a bed (that was awkward to say the least). It took him 20 minutes to understand that Paris and Saint Germain were the same team and not two opponents. I never laughed so hard. Maybe it was the booze, but I felt so good with Reg. I felt understood. He was interested in me, in my world, always curious. None other wizard has been this open. Even some muggle born laughed at me for my love of our former world. 

“I can’t imagine it, he was so…”

“Think wisely about how you are going to finish that sentence. I know you are angry at him and you never understood him, but he loved you, it crushed him every time your mom hurt you and in pieces when you left. He did everything he could to protect you, but it was never enough for your mom. All his fucking life trying to be perfect, and for what ? You are both damaged and miserable". 

“Damaged ?”

He looks around him with pride. The flat smelt like cigarettes and liquor, but it was a nice place, a cheerful place. He found happiness and family with Remus. 

“You can’t judge him for trying to do everything he could to survive.”

“I haven’t joined Voldemort, and I survived.”

He was so brave, so rebellious, so himself. The Gryffindor, queer, in love with a werewolf, Black. I didn’t always admire bravery; I found it idiotic most of the time, but I must admit Sirius was someone special and I knew Regulus would be proud of his big brother. 

“Because he was here to take your place and you know it !”

He closed his eyes, a hand on his face. I wanted to take him in my arms. He looked so much like him, maybe he would feel the same too. 

“He cried on your birthday, when you burned his letter, it was my idea, but apparently I know nothing about brotherhood”. 

Sirius began to cry. He just suddenly sob. I stopped moving, hoping he would forget I was even here. I couldn’t go to him, we didn’t really know each other, but I wanted to. His tears remind me of Reg’s. 

“I thought he was, he, er, he agreed with them”.

“Voldi was charming at first, but it was mostly fear or just learned helplessness. He never made me feel like he was better somehow, he was never condescending, just shy I guess, misunderstood.”

Even by his own brother. They just copped differently, but neither of them were a bad person.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable about the love thing. It’s great you are friends, you seem important for him, I’m glad he had someone.”

He got up and left. I could breathe normally again.


	3. Horcruxes

Monday morning, we joined Lily and James at the market. She smiled and made small talk with me, like we were friends. It felt good not to be treated as a threat. She was definitely the coolest girl ever. She remembered me from school, but we never really talked back then. She was part of the cool kids and I was trying so hard to be invisible. 

The market was in a crowded place with a lot of house-elves, wizards and other creatures. It was full of magic. Lily and James went at the beginning of the street, hand in hand, so cute. Remus stayed with me, not talking, just glaring at the crowd. Sirius was a few meters in front of us, bumping into people like the place was his. He was in a full brother mode but it was not a pleasant one. 

“Why did you choose to live in the muggle London ?”

He shrugged. He had so much charm. Sirius was beautiful and everyone could see that but Remus’ beauty was more uncommon, we can only see it with time. 

“Why did you choose to live in France ?”

My parents, free university, no war, better food, pleasant weather. 

“Because wizards are all pretentious assholes, and I want nothing to do with that.”

“Yet you are here, risking your life for a death eater.”

“I really hope I’m not dying for this idiot.”

He glanced at me and smiled a little. Then he looked at Sirius. They made such a powerful couple. 

Black started moving faster, and it was difficult to follow him into the heavy crowd. We ended in a darker alley, Sirius was threatening an elf with his wand. He was so much taller, heavier and angrier, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the tiny creature. 

“You filthy blood traitor” Kreacher said to Sirius with hatred. 

“Watch your mouth.”

Regulus loved Kreacher, but I couldn’t really see why. He seemed full of hate and despair. Maybe all the wizard’s slaves were like him. Maybe my friend related to that state of mind. 

“Mudblood.” 

I knew for a fact my blood was exactly the same as anyone else. My parents were incredible people and didn’t need magic for that. The Black family was full of abusive people and pureblood supremacists. Nothing made them better than my family. Being from the muggle world gave me resources to survive, gave me solutions they would never think of. 

“Capucine, actually, but close enough.” 

“Kreacher knows your magic, it was all over Mister Black.”

I spent more time performing those spells than learning what Hogwarts wanted me to know. No one would think me capable of that kind of magic. It was what made my friendship with Regulus safe and invisible. No one would look at us and think we were skating together in a mysterious room at night. 

“Where is he ?” 

“He won’t change his mind, even for you.”

Kreacher clearly didn’t know me. I was not someone that gave up easily when I had something in mind. 

“Try me.”

Kreacher told us about a cave, Voldi’s experimentations and Reg’s rage. He gave me, and only me, the coordinate of the place they found but wouldn’t tell me where my friend was right now. Probably still at home with his disgusting parents, waiting for his time to shine. The necklace was ready in a few days and they would immediately go there to switch them. 

We went back to the flat in silence. My head was burning with ideas and worries, and this word that wouldn’t leave me. Horcrux. 

“We must talk to Dumbledore about this”, said James. 

Of course. Like this man ever helped. Like he was interested in what I was saying when I went to him a few days ago. Maybe golden boy could be more convincing. 

“No. Not until we have Reg. We can’t trust anyone.”

I looked at Sirius with pleading eyes. He loved him too. He must have seen that we couldn’t trust anyone. 

“We can learn more about Horcruxes, discreetly, and take turns at the coordinate. When we have the little one, we go to Dumbledore with the intel”, said Lily. 

Everyone agreed. After hours. They wanted more friends into the confidence but it was too dangerous. 

I stayed at Sirius and Remus place. I made the cooking, only French dishes, and stayed up late at night with Lupin to read about Horcruxes. Black stayed away from me, never talked about Reg even though we did all this for him. 

I went to the cave the third day. With Sirius, because things were not awkward enough between us. We didn’t touch anything, it was the rule. Just sit and wait. The cave was dark and stank. The air was so thick it made me feel like I was suffocating.

“If we find him, please don’t ask him to fight with you.”

“You are a coward.”

Bloody Gryffondor. 

“I don’t owe anything to the magical world, and I don’t trust Dumbledore. Why would I die for you ? We know that even if you win, things won’t change for us, for Remus, and the winner will always be the same old rich families.” 

Only the rich were successful at war, everyone else got only wounds and trauma. I wouldn’t be one of them, they can all choke on their so precious blood. 

“This is my brother’s world. He doesn’t have excuses anymore.”

They all so bloody love child soldiers. It was almost like they raised them for war. 

“You are just like your parents.”

“Go to hell.”

He left to explore the rest of the cave. Letting me beside the Horcrux. 

“CRACK”. Regulus. Kreacher with him. I sat up and ran toward him. He didn’t have the time to take his wand and crushed against him, sobbing. I couldn’t believe it. 

“Tu es en vie, tu es en vie”. 

“Capucine ?”

I took his face in my hands. He was pale and skinnier than before, but alive. I couldn’t believe it. He held me so tight, tears running down his face. 

“Je n’aurais jamais cru te revoir” he whispered in my ear. 

I never thought I would see him again either. I forgot how beautiful he was. All Blacks were, but he had something more. Maybe it was the broken parts. 

“What do you think you are doing ?” asked Sirius behind me. 

Reggie froze and let me go like I burned him. Kreacher came in front of him, like him 1m20 could protect him. 

“I will destroy the horcrux so you can kill the bastard.”

“OK, let’s do it, together.”

We had to drink some water to have access to the necklace. The cave became even darker, and the air was almost unbreathable. Something bad was coming. 

“I will drink it” Reg said. “It was my plan from the start”. 

I wanted to touch him but he clearly didn’t want his brother to see that so I stayed away, watching him be so different from the boy I loved. Maybe the spell really messed up with my head and Regulus wasn’t the person I thought. Maybe he was really this cold, strong and arrogant pureblood. 

“No, I will drink it”. 

We didn’t have time for that. I took the cup and drank. I could hear Regulus screamed but suddenly there was only pain. It burned. The world was in flame and my brain melted. I collapsed. I just wanted my mom. Where was my mom ? Why did it hurt so much ? Was I dying ? 

“Reg ?”


	4. Black borthers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus pov

Mom was wrong all along. Sirius never needed us, his life was great on his own, better than anything the Black could have given him. He had a nice flat, friends, a purpose. He wasn’t lost like she said he would. He wasn’t miserable. 

Capucine was sitting on the sofa. A blond girl was taking care of her. She was going to be fine. Sirius had promise. 

“Where does Remus sleep ?”

The flat had only one bedroom and Sirius told me they lived together. It was not really nice to make your friend sleep on the sofa. 

“With me”

“But how do you do if you… er… if you have girls over ?”

My brother and his love for muggle born. He was always dating girls in Hogwarts, and I didn’t think he changed much since then. 

“You are dumb sometimes” said Capucine with a smile and a wink. 

She had the most beautiful smile. My heart was speeding up every time I was watching her, or even thinking about her. My love came back in a second, almost putting me down, so strong and different that everything I knew. She made me better. All these summers and the past year were so dark, I felt so helpless and lonely. Capucine made my life bright, worth living. 

I still couldn’t believe she drank it. 

“Remus is my boyfriend.” 

Oh. Ok. That was unexpected. Of course he wasn’t even a pureblood, of course he was a werewolf. My brother couldn’t do worse and I loved it. It was great if one of us could be with the person they loved. Maybe mom hasn't ruined everything. 

I looked at Remus. He was tall, like really tall, but skinny. Not bad looking, even with his scars, maybe because of his scars, it gave him charm. I liked his blond hair, a few shades darker than Capucine’s. He had the same haunted look in his eyes as my brother, probably as me, something my friend didn’t have. Something that came only with an unhappy childhood. 

Sirius put a hand on Remus' shoulder and the werewolf smiled at him. Were they together during Hogwarts ? I would have noticed something, no ? 

“Reg ?”, Capucine.

I looked at her; she had a wary smile on her lips. No, I shouldn’t look at her lips. It wasn’t the time and Sirius was watching me. Did he know I loved her ? Could he see it ? 

“It’s ok, he doesn’t have to say anything, I didn’t expect him to understand.”

Understand ? Understand what ? Love ? Well that wasn’t nice. He was like mom sometimes, nothing I could do was enough. I joined a terrorist group for her but I wasn’t pure enough or obedient enough. I found a horcrux to defeat Voldemort, but I didn’t die doing so, so it wasn’t enough for him. Maybe if I suffered instead of Capucine, I would be worth it. 

“I know what boyfriend means, thank you.” 

“Maybe we should leave,” Remus said to Capucine and the other blond girl. 

“What ? No. Where ?” I said putting myself in front of my friend without even thinking about it. 

I wanted to take her hand or just touch her but I couldn’t do that in front of a Black. Even one in love with a half-blood werewolf. 

“Tout va bien, je vais revenir” she said with a soft voice. 

She never screamed. Capucine talked with passion but not anger. I always felt safe with her, more than with anybody else. She wasn’t expecting anything of me or asking me anything. I could be myself, I could say no, she wasn’t threatening. She told me that was the bare minimum; she acted like normal people do, that I shouldn’t accept anything less, but it was hard to believe when my family was the total opposite of her. 

“Be careful”, I said to Remus. 

Capucine rolled her eyes. I knew she hated it when I worried about her, but I couldn’t help it. She was a target in our world, people didn’t want her here and were ready to take action. I couldn’t live with myself if she was hurt because of me. I couldn’t let her play the hero like in the cave. 

“He is not dangerous,” said Sirius, angrily. 

A shiver crossed my body. Sometimes he was so much like mom it made me want to throw up. 

“No of course not, but death eaters are”. 

I was one for two years; I knew what they were capable of, what they asked me to do before I got my memories back. 

“Oh”. 

“What did you think I was implying ?” 

Remus, Capucine and the nurse left, probably relieved to not be here for all the shouting that were coming. 

“The girl told us you knew about Remus'… problem.”

He seemed uncomfortable. He wasn’t even looking me in the eye. He hated me. 

“We should treat werewolves better anyway. And her name is Capucine”

“Yes. Sorry. She is...”

“Be careful of what you are going to to say”. 

Sirius laughed. It's been ages since I heard this sound, it almost made me break down. But I couldn’t, not in front of him. Maybe later when I will talk about it with Capucine. 

“She said something similar.”

“I guess everyone expects you to be a prick.” 

“I’m not. I’m sorry if I’ve been hard on you.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. My throat was tight and my eyes burned. I wasn’t a kid anymore, crying in front of him would be embarrassing, but I didn’t know how much longer I could hold it inside. 

“I thought you were going to come back. For me. Just to take me with you.”

Ok now I was crying. He tried to come near me, but I jumped, afraid he might hit me. It happened sometimes, I always expected the worst from people. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry”. 

He had tears in his eyes too. He put a shaking hand on my knee and pressed it gently. I sob for a few minutes and we started talking. It was easier somehow, maybe because it was in his territory and he felt safe, but he was open now, ready to listen to what I had to say. We even talked about our parents, and then our lives, him in the order, me in the Voldemort cult. 

“Remus is someone special. Now I understand why he helped Narcissa.”

He was mysterious at school, but always brilliant. Capucine liked it a lot, and she rarely made mistakes about people. 

“You knew ?”

“I’m snaky, I guess, I saw a lot of things, except for you being queer.”

I was often watching my brother, making sure from afar he was okay, trying to keep up with his life, but I didn’t pick on that. I guess I never thought it was possible. Even though Capucine dated girls sometimes so I knew some people were queer. I just thought our parents broke us too much to be able to be completely be ourselves. 

“We couldn’t be open at the time”.

Hogwarts seemed such a happy place for him, it was sad that even there he couldn’t be himself. 

“You are free now.”

“You too. You won’t go back there. I can take care of you now. They won’t hurt you anymore”. 

My eyes started tearing up again. How much could I cry in one evening ? 

“You don’t have to do that. I think I will go to France.”

I couldn’t suppress a smile, just thinking about that. Maybe university, maybe just a muggle job, just a chance to start everything again, with Capucine. 

“She seems special. Really, muggle-like, but not in a bad way”. 

He was condescending even when he tried not to be. She would have hated his tone. 

“She is the best.”

“Are you in love with her ?”

What ? Are we becoming that kind of brother ? I mean it was a thing to talk about his boyfriend with whom he lived, but my feelings for her were on another level. 

“I don’t think I can”. 

She was my best friend; she was everything, but she couldn’t be my lover because if I lost her, I wouldn’t have anyone else. I couldn’t risk it, I would rather see her being with someone else than breaking our friendship. 

“Toujours pur ?”.

I hoped to never hear that sentence again. 

“No. I’m just not enough for her.” 

I let down everyone who ever loved me, my parents by not being a perfect replacement son, my brother for not taking his side, Kreatcher for letting Voldemort experiment on him, Capucine by putting her at risk of death. She deserved someone better, someone that has never been disgusted by her kind. 

“Let her decide that.” 

Focus, don’t cry again. 

“I’m sorry for making you think it was your fault, you are not much older than me, you didn’t know any better and you were not responsible for me.”

I saw him as a savior, but he was the one who needed help. 

Remus and Capucine came back eventually, with smiles and plenty of groceries. I couldn’t believe she was still standing after all she lived today. 

“I will make us crêpes”, she said with enthusiasm.

Sirius looked at me and smiled. Remus came with us and sat beside my brother. He put his hand on his knee and stared at me. I smiled. 

“Oh no”, said Capucine from the kitchen. “I forgot eggs, can you go buy them Remus please ?”

When the werewolf left, she immediately sat with us. 

“I have a plan.”

Of course she had. 

“We must destroy the horcrux but there are spies everywhere and if anyone knows we have it, we are dead. So, when Remus comes back, you must fight with Red and then he will leave with the horcrux. I will go after him but get back to the flat saying I didn’t find him and go back to France. You will say to your friends that Regulus changed his mind and you hate him.”

That wouldn’t be really hard to believe. 

“But they will know, they will tell Dumbledore, everyone is going to look for us.”

They were loyal, and they would never trust us with the horcrux. 

“Yeah, that’s why you are going to die in a few weeks.”

“Die ?”, I said at the same time as my brother. 

I didn’t want to die, not now I had Capucine back in my life. 

“We can’t trust anyone. We will have to fake your death.”

“We can trust my friend, Remus”, Sirius refuted. 

Too many people, any of them could break under torture and we couldn’t afford that.

“They will put the mission at stake”, I said. 

Voldemort had ears everywhere. We wouldn’t last a week if the order knew. 

“Maybe we can wipe out their memories of us”, Capucine suggested. 

It was our favorite pastime. We were bloody good at it. 

“I can’t do that.”

Of course, it was his friend. He didn’t want to hurt them, but we didn’t really have the choice. 

“But I can”, I said. 

And it was what we did at the end. It was the easiest way. I left them intel about horcruxes but nothing more. We promised Sirius to call as soon as we could and he let us go with the necklace, probably trusting Capucine more than me, but it was enough. 

On the boat, Capucine was gently touching the mark on my forearm. I hated it, but she didn’t seem to be disgusted by it. 

“Maybe you should add it a little bit of color, flowers even, it could be nicer”. 

I laughed, and she kissed me. My heart jumped. I couldn’t believe we were doing that now. I was the luckiest guy on earth. 

The last time I spoke to Sirius, he told me he was in trouble. We flew to London, but it was too late, my brother became a mass murderer but Voldemort was defeated. I left the Horcrux to Kreacher, and we went back to our life, far away from England and magic.


End file.
